(written by Terry MacNeil, on May 6-8, 10, 2025)

Recently, I’ve been seeing occasional short (yet strange) ads about vaping and anxiety. I GUESS they’re saying vaping causes anxiety. But the ads are so short, and disappear from my screen so quickly – I can’t say with certainty what they’re about. No matter. I don’t vape.

Though those ads are the kind I’d expect from some level of government – which leaves me surprised the federal government isn’t screaming about alcohol causing cancer. As for the Nova Scotia provincial government – I’d expect them to say: “Yes, alcohol causes cancer! But PLEASE keep buying alcohol (and contributing to our coffers)!” Which reminds me – there was some study that no one could shut up about some years ago (I forget when exactly). And the study said consuming alcohol CAUSES CANCER. And I thought “Duh… isn’t that common sense?” Looking at my father, I assumed that since the days of my youth.

My father was an interesting cat. I won’t say much about his life, except that it was quite sensational. He did plan on getting me to write his biography (back when I was a teenager) – though he later changed his mind, because he assumed no one would believe it. The problem with people who live sensational lives – they tend to need other witnesses to the stories they’re recounting, if they are to be believed by anyone. Over the years, I have heard the occasional story (from other people) about impressive shit my father did. Overall, my father’s main tendency – was to intimidate and terrorize other humans. In my opinion, instilling fear in the rest of humanity – was the reason he was born. His life purpose.

My Dad was also a partyanimal, and became an alcoholic. So he had a lot of “fun” in his youth. After moving to a community where he rarely socialized with anyone outside of the house, and was stuck with only the local CBC, ATV, and MITV channels on TV – it’s no surprise (to me) that he drank as heavily as he did. Although, he didn’t drink any less once we got our first satellite TV system – although he did seem to enjoy his waking hours WAY MORE.

His was a slow-motion death – his health slowly worsening over the course of about a decade. Liver failure, cancer, and bowel blockages were the worst issues he dealt with during those years. Near the end of his life, he did mention to me that he had a lot of “fun” in his life – but that “it wasn’t worth it” (as in, he conceded he should’ve AVOIDED the partying/drinking so that he could’ve lived longer). I admired the strength of his will to live, especially considering how much he suffered during that decade – but I was saddened to hear he regretted the “fun”.

Also near the end of my Dad’s life, he did say that he assumed the meaning of life – was to have children. So I guess when he went unconscious (and later died) he had peace of mind. In my opinion, spawning children is unimportant (especially when on a planet as populated as ours is). Though I DO consider the way you treat the World and ESPECIALLY the humans around you to be VERY important. Well, that is what I assume.

As for me, I routinely get loaded in front of my computer – then go to bed (without leaving my house). Do I have “fun” doing that? Absolutely! Getting wasted while listening to music (by myself) is strangely more enjoyable than going to parties was in my youth – I guess because I’m no longer “batshit crazy” (aka psychotic) nor incredibly depressed. However, I EXPECT that my drinking will one day result in me developing cancer – which is fine with me. I have no intention of living a boring/healthy lifestyle, because I have no desire to live as long as I possibly can – I’d rather perish from cancer in middle-age than spend my elderly years in an Alzheimer’s ward. And with climate change and crises in the global capitalist system hanging over my head… Well, if my fucking house burns down in a forest fire – not only will I be financially unable to “rebuild”, I will have no desire to do so. The last thing I need is to suffer. Ⓐ