(written by Terry MacNeil, on July 9, 2026)

The night of July 7th, 2026 was one of those “funny nights” that occasionally happen to schizophrenics – I had run out of my anti-psychotics (aka meds) the night before, and I COULD’VE gotten a helpful relative to go to town and pick up my meds for me. But I ASSUMED that would be too much of an inconvenience for my relative – and I was curious to see what would happen to ME if I went a day without my meds (since I’ve been extra careful to take them EVERY day for the last decade or so). All I experienced on the night of July 7th – was I had a strong bout of insomnia, and the posts I wrote (about the FernGully children’s animated movies) on the Bluesky website were slightly sillier than my usual silly posts. Other than that, it was a typical night for Terry MacNeil. I did NOT experience ANY DEGREE of mania.

Between 10-15 years ago – I was FREQUENTLY skipping my anti-psychotics. Why? One reason was because I assumed my hangovers would be worse if I took my meds the same night I got drunk. BUT it turned out the OPPOSITE was true – I would have 24 (and sometimes 48) hour hangovers on nights I skipped my meds. To be clear, 24 and 48 hour hangovers result in non-stop puking, then non-stop retching. Then one fortuitous night many years ago, I thought “Let’s see what happens when I take my meds, THEN IMMEDIATELY start drinking.” That night, I had NO hangover. I feel like that’s info of MONUMENTAL SIGNIFICANCE my former psychiatrists deliberately withheld from me.

As for the second reason I would skip my meds? To write. Though I must emphasize, between 10-15 years ago – I would go into mania on nights I would skip my meds. So I would go into mania, and write lots of weird off-the-wall shit on my computer. Then I would crash, and be so exhausted – I’d be so drowsy and out of commission for the next 48 hours. But I would always be IMPRESSED by what I wrote while manic. It was usually “insane” writing, but when non-manic I would edit what I wrote into “more normal/acceptable” writing for the novel I was working on at the time.

My Mom said she doesn’t remember ever seeing me manic – until AFTER I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic and started taking my meds. But I remember my later university years – those were years I lived away from home, and BEFORE I had been diagnosed as insane. Those were the days I started getting loaded as often as I thought I could – and while drinking I remember the energy rush I would get was OFF THE CHARTS, and all I wanted to do was talk to everyone in sight (and hopefully become friends with them). But in the end, I ended up with a million acquaintances – and a small number of friends. A former friend of mine was dumbfounded that I could be as well known as I was in university – and STILL remain a virgin after I moved back home. All I could say was “In university, I was looking for a girlfriend – but I’d always set my sights on girls that were uninterested in me.” And much to my embarrassment, I GENUINELY THOUGHT those girls were interested in ME. Then it would seem like THE END OF THE WORLD when I realized they had no interest in me. So sad.

A former friend of mine said his psychiatrist said that I (Terry) would be experiencing mania less and less frequently (and less and less intensely) the more often I skipped my anti-psychotics. That does indeed seem to be true. I can’t remember the last time I experienced mania. Though I wonder, if I’ll ever experience it again. All I can say is, it was a blast – while it lasted. Though I hope it remains in my past. Ⓐ